Moving

We are moving in two days and I can't stop my eyes from brimming over with tears every single time I think about leaving "our" house. We moved into this house when I was five months pregnant with Marissa. I can vividly remember being pregnant with her here, waiting through that hot southern California summer for her to come. I remember rocking in the rocking chair we had picked in her nursery, all of dreams I had of what it would like to be a mother, sitting on the back porch reading away my last days away before life would never be the same again. I can still recall with vivid detail going into labor with her here and even more, those first days of her life when we brought her home. I remember all of those late nights nursing in her room at 3 am, wondering who else in the big world was doing the exact same thing as me at that moment. I remember endless afternoons outside spent laying on the grass with her while she gazed up at the Chinese Elm which served as mother nature's best mobile. I remember her first roll and her first Christmas here, her first, second and third birthdays, her first steps that she took on her own and I could go on and on. And, then came finding out we were pregnant with our second child and that whole pregnancy. I remember laboring with Oliver here (not yet knowing that we were having a little boy) and leaving Marissa who was sound asleep with our trusted baby sitter, I remember bringing him home two days later and seeing his sister's amazement with him. I remember him doing all of his firsts here too. His recent burst in mobility this past month has him crawling all over the house and pulling up everywhere. He is into everything! I'm pretty sure that he is why they invented baby proofing. The kid is like a magnet to items that are inappropriate for babies. I can feel the comfort that both the kids feel when we pull into the driveway and enter the house after having a busy day, it is home, our home. I will miss it. So many memories, and I don't know how to hold onto them forever. Even tonight, I know Marissa said at least 3 things that when she said them I thought, I will never forget these, they were so funny, so Marissa, I couldn't wait to tell Leo. And, then I have had just had so much on my mind lately, poof, just like that, they are gone. Buried somewhere deep inside my brain I am sure, all I can remember is the feeling they left me with. I am determined to write down at least one brilliant Marissaism a day. I can feel the move, the endless packing, the house hunting affecting my little girl. Who wouldn't be confused when we are moving all our stuff into another house, but at the same time keep looking at new houses every weekend. I really, really dislike moving and am determined to move as little as possible with our kids. Which is part of the reason we have waited to buy a house, we wanted to make sure we felt totally committed to LA.
It is amazing how attached I can feel to a house that is not even ours. I guess it is not the house, just the memories, but they all seem so tightly bound together to me. We are moving nearby while we continue our house hunt for the "perfect house." I hope we can fill our new house with as many wonderful memories as we have in this one.
I have been absolutely terrible about taking photos this month. I think it is all strangely bound up in my anxiety about moving. My dad just shipped me an amazing camera though, so I'm hoping to start putting it to very good use. I can't believe how fast time has flown since having two kids. I remember the first year with Marissa being a stay at home mom, the days were long, but the year overall went fast. With two kids, everything goes fast, and I just want to slow it all down, savor every minute, remember every detail, note to self, take more photos, blog more. If I could figure out if I could upload videos from my Iphone to our PC, I could put some really cute crawling ones on here of Oliver.